i can only assume genital warts - i just don't see how you'd expect a haircut and end up with penis torture.
That's what I assumed. This was a mistake.
See, a few weeks or so ago I noticed a small discolouration on my penis and for some reason I assumed I had contracted something. I always use a condom, but I have heard very mixed things about HPV and condoms and a lot of people have it. A LOT. So I went to the doctor. The doctor basically flat out said that it wasn't a genital wart and didn't seem like anything to worry about - especially since it may have always been there (I can't really say). She said the only thing that I could possibly be concerned about was melanoma (which, obvsiously would be very concerning), but she found it highly doubtful and rather than getting a full biopsy done in such a sensitive area, I should go for a blood test (which still isn't 100% accurate). She assured me that it was probably something that was either always there, some natural pigment change, or even something caused by chaffage or something like that. She further urged me to go get a second opinion if it would put my mind at ease.
So, I went to get a haircut and there was a big line. I hate lines. So I was like "fuck that". On the way back out to my car I passed an empty clinic. I remembered that I had this issue and decided I should go for that second opinion. In retrospect this was also a mistake. The doctor there was a jolly lady who made it very apparent to me I was making a big deal about nothing - probably something that was either always there, some natural pigment change, or even something caused by chaffage or something like that. She pretty much shot warts out of the water and said she'd put money on it not being melanoma. She also needed me to point it out to her after just about every time she blinked because this was a very small 'mark'. Same thing, keep an eye on it. And then the shit went down.
"The main concern with something like this is that it can have an effect on your mental state and cause undue stress. If you want I can see if there's anything we can do about it. It's safe, and it may help us better judge should it actually turn out to be something to be concerned over".
No shit? Fuck, yes please. I need to stress that this thing is fucking tiny and I'm an idiot. This is why you never go to the doctor when you're really tired. So she asks if I want liquid nitrogen...um, sure? And this is right where I should have realized I was in no way prepared to take this step: "Do you want one or two?" See, I have no idea what this means and I'm too tired to figure out that I should ask. This is a problem and so I kind of stutter out that I want two, confident that she didn't see through my bluff. This is why I'm a retard. I know what liquid nitrogen is, I've used it before, and I know you don't fucking get it on you. I certainly should know better than agree to have someone put it on me with at least knowing a lot more about the details first.
So she comes back into the room with a thing of the liquid nitrogen, pops the lid, and all the 'steam' is coming out and I'm still sitting there like "I love doctors willing to solve your problems for you". Then she's grabbing my dick (not hot at all) and made me point out the spot to her once again. I was still cool with it at this point. "Let me know when it gets unbearable". This also should have been a sign I'm a fucking idiot. She moves the q-tip applicator closer, closer, still no anxiety on my part. It makes contact and begins to sting, still no anxiety. All of a sudden it looks like she is pushing the q-tip applicator through a newly formed HOLE IN THE SHAFT OF OF MY FUCKING PENIS. Anxiety through the roof, shock related lockjaw sets in. She kind of stops on her own and goes through this process like two more times while I'm thinking "well, I'm already fucked because I have a huge hole in the middle of my penis. I might as well make it worth while so I can get a hydraulic one or something."
We finish up, she's super nice and is like "if it's still there and you're concerned come back." and I get in my car and drive. I didn't look at my dick for like 4 hours because I really really didn't want to know. Interestingly enough when I finally did look at it there wasn't a hole at all, it was just kind of swollen and the skin was darker.
The swelling went away almost immediately, but it's still dark. The shitty thing is that I've been looking on the internet (which is a bad idea and probably what got me into this mess in the first place), and the recovery timeline for something like this is all over the place. Like, I don't know if it gets worse as some sources say liquid nitrogen will cause long running scabs that can last for weeks to over a month, while others say it doesn't. I think I may have gotten lucky, but I'm preparing for the worst.
