So, Yesterday was kind of whacked. See, my friend's dad died a week or so ago. I've been friends with this guy since elementary school and went to university with him where we shared a house for two years. I don't necessarily see him all that often anymore, but if I were to count my best friends on one hand he'd certainly be one of them. We went through boy scouts together and all that, so it was a bit weird to find out from a girl at a party last weekend that his dad died.
Anyways, I went to the memorial yesterday and it was a nice ceremony and all that. A few of us decided to go out drinking after, but he and his brother obviously couldn't because of family considerations. So, I end up heading to this hotel bar with a few guys I used to be friends with in high school, but haven't seen much of since, and we got pretty casually drunk. While this isn't important to the story in and of itself, it is very important to know how drunk I was later in the night. Essentially, this sets the tone for the night, and it's only like 3 P.M.
So, I head home afterwards, make maybe the most disgusting take and bake pizza ever, and go down to a bar downtown to meet up with some friends. There's a few guys there who I used to play rugby with and haven't seen in years. Strangely enough, one of them now looks exactly like Ryan Reynolds. This was made perfectly clear to me when some girl asked "How do you know Ryan Reynolds? What kind of shots did you do with him?" I don't even know why anyone would care about the second question, but whatever. All said and done the group of people I know in the bar at this point is like 30 deep, and everyone is having a really good time. Some girl convinces "Ryan Reynolds" to take a picture of his penis with her digital so she can freak out her friend.....which was actually pretty funny, especially because "ryan" was so pumped to do it.
Anyways, at like 2am I look in my wallet and realize I have only $20 left in there. As per usual, I don't count the enormous amount of bar change in my pockets as real money and decide it's probably better to leave rather than hit up an ATM machine for the third time. I can deal with a $200 night, but $300 is the kind of thing that would just ruin the next day for me. So I guess I leave.
What happens next is a bit of a mystery. I was really drunk walking down the street, and next thing I know I'm fully making out with some stranger. Dirty, dirty making out...she's pressed up against a bus stop, my hands are all over the place, and I don't even think at the time I even know where this girl came from, but she's pretty hot so I don't even care.
We hop in cab and go to her place. More making out in the cab, good times had by all. We get to the front door. "Fuck" She just realized something and is looking very distraught. She lost her purse. Her keys are in her purse. Her roommate is out of town for the weekend, and her phone was in her purse. It's like 2:30-3:00 AM and it's freezing. It also could be raining, I don't know. We're trying to figure out ways to get into her apartment, but there's nothing. She lives on the third floor, and there's no way I'm climbing up to her possibly locked balcony door wasted.
Eventually, a nice gentleman sticks his head out the window and offers to let us into the building as long as "it shuts us the fuck up". 50% of the way there. Sadly, that's as close as we got. She doesn't have her landlords number, and her actual apartment is fully locked. We make out against her door for a while, make out on her floor for a while, I try to get my hands down her pants the standard three times, but it's a no go.
Anyways, I can't really just leave this girl here, alone, and stranded, and it's a far fucking way from my house, so that's not really an option. I end up hanging out with her in her apartment building for like 6 hours until she can get a hold of one of her friends to pick her up for breakfast. I let her keep my hoodie, because she's in bar clothes and it's freezing out.
As I'm leaving she says "Fuck, I have to go to church tonight."
