Topic: I hate confrontation

[shock]

I haven't kept you all updated, but the girl that goes to a different school and lives in a different state came to visit me about a week ago.  She took time out of her very short break(only had a week and a half).  It was great when she was here.  I genuinely like her presence and she is a totally unique girl, someone I could really see myself with in a different geographical situation.

But that is the problem: We have spent a combined total of 4 days together in person.  We have just been talking on the phone since then.  She lives in New York, I live in Colorado.  I go to to school in Washington DC, she goes to school in Chicago.  There is no conceivable time when we can spend any large amount of time together (she is getting an internship in Boston this year, and I have no idea what I am doing, but I will most likely be back home).

So I feel like it isn't a real relationship in that we are missing serious parts of it(seeing each other constantly).  Not only that, but college is full of temptations.  I already had a run in with that.

I had promised that I would come and visit her during my break, the exact date is in about two weeks.  It's only for a weekend, but I would have to fly out there (200$ or so) and spend one of my 3 weekends away from my friends back home.  But now I am having doubts about the future and I am not sure I want to make that investment.

While she is great, I am just now beginning to use my logic to say that our hopes of being together are next to nil.  And I don't think my feelings are strong enough to justify years of loneliness/no dating other people.  There are already some sparks with different people, too.  Possible real relationships, not just hook ups.

She is actually in Israel right now, though.  I have been talking to her via email every once in a while.  She basically keeps saying how much she misses me and how much she can't wait to see me, etc.  She doesn't return until the 26th, which is like 1.5 weeks before my supposed visit.  She absolutely HATES when I send things over email.  Makes her visibly upset.  Haha.  So I am going to have to wait to talk to her about it until after.

But I have no idea what to say.  And I know that whatever I am going to say, it is going to crush her.  She is REALLY into me, for whatever reason.  We got drunk one night and she confessed that she was terrified because she always seemed to fall harder for guys than they did for her, and she always got left behind.  I, of course, was still really feeling the relationship, so I told her that I felt the same way about her, yada yada yada.  Ugh.

Boo.  I am horrible at breaking up(ask my last girlfriend).  I hate it.  I never know what to or what not to say.

[poomcgoo]

Boston?  Send her my way!




just... kidding...  I really don't know what I'd do in this situation.  It really would be kind of a dick move to not visit her after she came to see you, but I totally see where you're coming from.  I guess it'd be best just tell her the truth.  Don't try and sweeten it up at all, just let her know how you feel and why it isn't going to work.

[Jedi]

Never done a long distance relationship before, I wouldn't want to either just becuase I like the whole being there with the person doing things and waking up next to them blah blah blah.

Like you said you don't know what you're doing next year why not explore the option of going to her then? It makes some sense if its the long periods of time apart and what not, I don't know what you'd do in Boston? Get a job, continue study? I don't know man but if I were you I'd give moving to her next year some consideration.

[Quemaqua]

As an adult, if you want something to happen, you make it happen or you don't.  I think it's the same with relationships, distance or not.  If you really think its worth the effort, quit whining and make it work.  Not trying to be a dick here, just attempting to stress my point.  If you think the girl is worth it, then pursue it come hell or high water.  If you don't think she's really worth it, if you don't think it's going to be what you want, be honest with her and break it off before you end up hurting her any more than you're going to.  It sucks if you have to do that, but you gotta' do what you gotta' do.  It's always worse to put it off and hem and haw over it while the relationship gets weird.  Myself, I consider love to be a true gift, and if I find someone that's really special, I pursue her to the ends of the earth.  I did on several occasions.  Most of those didn't work out because they realized I was a nutjob and impossible to live with, but at least I did what I could.

Anyway, I'm rambling again.  Sorry, I'm *really* out of it tonight.  All I can say is that I've done long distance things before and they worked fine on my end, just not fine on their end.  Your mileage may vary.  All people are different.  Just remember you do have to eventually close the distance, and if you aren't willing to sacrifice to make that happen, things may not work out.  But I wouldn't throw something good away just because of that one simple fact necessarily, unless that happens to be a deal breaker for you.

[shock]

Thanks Que.  I think my biggest thing is that I can't decide if it is worth it or not.  I will keep thinking about it.