Topic: no text

[beo]

yeah, i think therapy is a really good idea. see your local doctor, and explain how you're feeling. they should be able to give you some good advice on who to see. i went through a real bad patch recently, and it really does help. sure, it might not fix anything tangible in your life, but it gets the wires straightened out in your head, and you'll be better able to shrug off the stupid shit and focus on what matters. hopefully even build up a level of communication with your parents. it doesn't work for everyone and it's not some miracle cure, but i think, in your case, you really would benefit.

i would also agree on the moving out thing. get some shitty, tiny apartment, and a crappy retail job - whatever. it's the first step, and just being out there interacting with people will make you feel so much better. the more that you're around people the more relaxed and better at social situations you'll become. shutting yourself away will only make you more insular and miserable.

[W7RE]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Just one thing though. I have no car, and no license. So getting a ride to work isn't always so easy. My mom is moving in with my sister today, and my dad works all the time. So I'll be away from them more often, but have less opportunity to get a ride to work.

[Cobra951]

I agree with Cobra 100%.  Look, we don't know the full story of what's going on here (I didn't see the original post, but I can guess at it), and chances are it was but a snapshot of whatever is going on in his life.  We tend to fill in the blanks with what we relate to.  Who knows what his relationship with his parents is actually like and who knows what his situation is actually like.  While it may be easy for you and I to sit there and imagine that we could deal with it better, chances are that is as far from the truth as it could be.  His parents could very well be over controlling, and I'd be willing to bet that his situation is something we could not possibly relate to at all because of the differences in how we were raised leading to the differences in our general outlook.

Like I said, I didn't see the original post, but what good is jumping down someone's throat going to do?  It's not tough love, it's not a smack in the face clearing the cobwebs, it does nothing but contribute to the problem.  "Be like me you failure.  Sure I probably came from a much better situation and as such am more equiped to handle any bumps along the road, but if you have trouble doing it you're worthless."  Leave that shit for the unreasoning meat heads in the army.   We're all friends here, lets have some fucking tact.

As for posting your problems on the internet, I find it has a therapeutic effect because sometimes you just need to tell people shit, and it's a lot easier telling someone you don't actually know.  If it comes down to telling a bunch of people on a forum and dropping $100/hr for a therapist over every detail in your life, why not go the free way.

I see after trying to post this W7RE has replied.  Sorry if this is a repetition or out of context. 

No, man.  As usual, you hit the nail with an accuracy worthy of an A grade.  And as usual, you said it more completely than I did.

Edit:  Pug, yeah, it's "curve ball".  Heh.  Didn't even see my mistake there until you pointed it out.

[idolminds]

Can you not get a license or you just dont want one?

Depending on where you live, you could always bike to work. You can do 10 miles pretty easy on a bike in the mornings.

[W7RE]

I haven't driven in 4-5 years. Even then it was for like an hour a week tops. If I could get down to the DMV, I could take the test, but I have no idea if I would pass it. If I did, I'd still have no car to drive.

There's a gas station owned and operated by a family about 5 miles away. The closest thing other than that is like 25-30 miles away.

[Quemaqua]

There's always the bus.  Believe me, I hate the fucking bus more than anything else in the universe, but it looks like I may be having to take it to get to my job soon when they transfer me or close my building.  This makes me hate life and everyone in it, but... eh.  I don't have much choice.  I can't afford a car.  Right now I take the subway.

[TheOtherBelmont]

There's always the bus.  Believe me, I hate the fucking bus more than anything else in the universe, but it looks like I may be having to take it to get to my job soon when they transfer me or close my building.  This makes me hate life and everyone in it, but... eh.  I don't have much choice.  I can't afford a car.  Right now I take the subway.

I don't think there's a bus where he lives, he lives out in the middle of nowhere in North Carolina.  He will pretty much have to get a ride if he works somewhere near him.  He mentioned to me last night about working out of home through a friend of his that does the same thing in Phoenix.  Hopefully that will work out.

[Pugnate]

I hope working out of home works out for you, but I think working out of it would be the better option even if it means a bit more effort/lesser pay. The only reason I say that is that I was in a similar situation as you, and when you see the same people 24/7 who drive you crazy, your brain starts to rot. Gradually you forget that a better way of life can exist, and are just stuck in a never ending rut of hatred and disgust.

The key is to get out of the house, even if for a few hours. Who knows, you might meet some cute girl with more facial decoration than yourself. (I meant that in a good way).

The problem you seem to have are a lot of obstacles, and I went through the same thing and it is really really intimidating. When it is so intimidating you just procrastinate, until your brain is dug deeper.

Also it is a pity that there is no bus functioning for you. Some of the cutest girls I've met are courtesy of buses.

As for biking, it isn't a bad idea. Bike to and back from work, even if it is half an hour, you'll enjoy the fresh air and exercise. Who knows, maybe once you start working and saving for a car, you may actually meet someone at work willing to give you a ride regularly.

See if you can get a job at a local mall. People are bound to go to work at a mall from your locality. If you post some ads or whatever you can possibly get a ride to and from, while you have your bike as a backup.

Try to save your money, and forget useless shit like gaming for now. Get a car that is good enough to get you to work and back, and you are set. Working out of home is ideal for many people, but that's also why I've hardly seen it work. It is just too good to be true, most of the time.

The ideal thing would be to save some money and move to the city once a job is guaranteed there. This sort of stuff is just far easier in a city. You might be lonely there, but you have us to keep you company till you make friends.

There's a gas station owned and operated by a family about 5 miles away. The closest thing other than that is like 25-30 miles away.

OK riding a bike to some place 30 miles away isn't possible.

[Quemaqua]

Also it is a pity that there is no bus functioning for you. Some of the cutest girls I've met are courtesy of buses.

I hate you.  Our buses have crackheads.  And piles of human filth.

[Pugnate]

The buses in St.Catharines had some of nicest people ever. Even the bus drivers were super nice.

[W7RE]

Right now I spend zero money, so saving won't be an issue. I quit Warcraft a couple months ago and one of my guildmates bugged me for a couple days until I let him put his credit card info on my account so he could pay for it, and I could come back and play. So even playing WoW, I spend nothing. I have expensive asthma medication, but my doctor has been giving me office samples because I have no insurance.

I currently have 2 different people who are trying to get me to come live with them.
One is in New Orleans, Louisiana. This was the guy I hung out with constantly in college. Tetsuo was my roommate, and I think he saw less of me than this guy did. Only issue there is I don't know how my asthma will do in a wet climate like Louisiana (it's bad enough here in North Carolina) Last time I talked to him he said he had a job for me as a camera man and the TV station where he works. I just need the money to get out there.
The other is another guy I went to college with, who was my neighbor. He's in phoenix, where I know my asthma does great. The work at home job may or may not be the best thing, but he lives in the middle of Phoenix where there's tons of places to get a job.

So really, Ihave options. I just need to save up enough money to get somewhere and pay first month's rent and groceries.

[Antares]

There you go.  2 good options.  All you need now is to come up with a way to earn enough cash to buy yourself a plane ticket.  Why not get one of those crappy jobs stuffing envelopes for $.02 per envelope or something?  Stuff paper like a madman for a few weeks and you're good to go.  You won't need to rely on anyone else to get it done either.

Right after I graduated college I was in a somewhat similar situation.  I spent all my graduation money on LASIK and stagnated for 3 months living with my mom, with literally $3 in my bank account.  I have never been so miserable in my entire life.  The relied on my mom completely to survive, I couldn't go out of the house because I couldn't afford to put gas in my car.  All I did was stagnate at home surfing the internet. My mom kept a ledger of all the money she had loaned me and made me pay it back when I started working again.  Eventually I got off my ass, went to a temp agency and got a job at a factory making ceramic tubes.  The job sucked ass and paid $8.50 an hour, but within 3 months I had paid my mom back and got myself out of the house.


Living with parents after you have been out on your own is not a healthy thing to do.  Everyone I have known that had to do it became completely miserable.  It is unbelievably frustrating to be forced to live under someone elses' rules after you have been out on your own.  It only becomes that much worse when you're living with someone as controlling as your mother.  (and i thought my mom was bad).

This is going to sound like some cheesy Tony Robbins self help bullshit, but make a commitment to getting yourself out of a shitty situation and do something every day to make it happen.  Once you make a decision and give your life some direction things will get better and fast.

[ren]

Antares is right. Old and cliche, but when there's a will there's a way. You know where you want to be, just make it happen.

[scottws]

Well yeah, W7RE, it sounds like your parents are kind of dicks.  On the other hand my first impression was that it sounds a lot like most parents I know.

I mean when my dad was trying to toughen me up as a kid (I was a bit of a mama's boy), he would definitely get frustrated and call me sissy and crap like that some times.  It was pretty painful and I always remember that dealing with Jennie's son so I make sure not to do it.  It's also pretty much accepted by my family that my younger brother Craig is my dad's favorite.  He was the football player, after all.  Even Craig admits that it's pretty obvious that my dad only truly likes him.

My mom isn't so controlling as yours sound, but my dad makes up for it in that area as well.  He seriously got mad at me a few weeks ago when we were doing to the hardware store and I took a different route than he liked going.  I was like, "Dad, I'm 29, and I'm behind the wheel.  When you're driving then you can decide what way to go."  It's like it's his way or the highway with everything.

So it sounds like your parents aren't all that much different than things I've seen firsthand in my own life and heard from my friends.  So keep that in mind too.

But like everyone else said, just get out.  If it's tough to get started where you live because you live in the middle of Podunk, USA then go someplace else.  It doesn't sound like you'll be leaving anything you truly care about behind anyway.  I mean I know to you it probably seems like we have no idea how hard it will be for you to do something like that, that we don't get it.  But there is always a way.  I mean hell, I had one of my broke friends move to San Francisco several years ago.  San Francisco's standard cost-of-living expenses are like 10-fold what they are in Cincinnati, but she did it coming from barely eeking it in Cincy.