Topic: Did I mention I'm back "home"? Took me a while to accept it.

[Cobra951]

Well, I'm back in Cincinnati, since the 4th, but it's only been a couple of days since I didn't feel out of place.  The trip to NY was like lifting a rock that had been sitting on me for a year.  Now the rock is firmly back in place.  Being with my girls felt like the only right thing out of the whole year.  If I didn't have a rental car to return, I might have stayed a good deal longer.  It went very well.  My ex was very kind, almost loving, or so it felt.

The place was chaotic.  One of the things the ex is doing is pet sitting, and now that includes boarding some dogs for clients who go on holiday vacations.  So there were 3 dogs, 2 of which were boarding, and they did not get along with each other.  One fight even caused a scratch on my 7-year-old's side which had me livid with anger.  Yet I could not really get too overtly upset about it.  The last thing I needed was upsetting the apple cart.  I swear, though, if anything serious happens to either of my girls because of using their home as a kennel, I'm going to call both the SPCA and child protection about it.  I need to figure out a way of communicating this to her without undoing all the good will that I've gained over the last year.  Not an easy thing to do.

This year is going to see me go through the end game of this financial nightmare I unwittingly entered a few years ago.  After it's all over, I'll be happy to get into some details.  I hope it will mark a good turning point for me.  There certainly will be significant changes in any event.  Maybe after that, I can figure out a way to be closer to my kids.

Edit:  I got time on my hands right now because I'm waiting for my car to get serviced.  The hood latch broke, and they need to get the part.  They said it would be done by 5 PM for sure.  Ford loaned me this nifty looking copper-colored Escape.  All I have to do is replace whatever gas I use.  That was an unexpected good turn from them.  When it became clear that the car was going to be in the shop most of the day, I asked if they had loaners or rentals, expecting either a negative answer, or having to pay a rental fee.  Nope.  No-strings loaner of a nice vehicle.  I told the service guy I wanted to get my key ring off the car for the house keys, so I got to go back to the bay where my car was getting an oil change.  The mechanic said he'd been looking on ebay for a Cobra like mine ('95) and told me that in perfect condition they were selling for about $16K.  Whoa.  I paid $18.9K in early '96 for mine, with 5,000 miles on the odometer.  Mine isn't immaculate, but it's in pretty good shape.  I wonder if I should sell it before anything happens to it, or to the gasoline supplies.

[scottws]

Wow, I didn't realize they were worth anything.  I guess it being the last iteration of the "5.0" and all.


Welcome back to Cincy.

[beo]

heh, guess we know where you got your name from now.

as for the dogs thing, it doesn't sound like it's worth getting too huffed up about. kids are meant to withstand a bit of damage now and again. then again, i don't have kids, so i'm obviously in no position to comment.

[Ghandi]

Good to hear things are looking up for you.

Did the scratch result simply from you kid playing with the dog or was it something different? Kids playing with pets usually = scratches. Don't make mountains out of molehills, if that is the case.

[Quemaqua]

Welcome back!  If you have too much free time, you should hopefully soon receive (or have received already) a Christmas present from the internets.

Glad to hear things went well.  For the ex situation, I'd say definitely do your best to play nice and not rock the boat unless things get really bad.  Working in child support, I can tell you that a friendly situation between two people is *always* about 800 thousand times better than an unfriendly one.  Work to keep that up.  Even after a failed relationship people can still make things work if they try, and it makes living with that sort of family situation a lot better (and leads to a lot more closeness between parents and kids).  Not to sound like a PSA or anything.

[Cobra951]

She had no role in the incident.  The dogs were chasing each other around.  She was sitting on the couch.  The biggest dog jumped on her and then back off, scratching her badly enough to break the skin and need some disinfectant.  It was about 2 inches long, and raised up with inflammation after a while.  All I could do is think what might have happened if she was laying down instead of sitting up, and that had happened to her face, or her eye.

I am playing nice, as nice as I know how.  I agree with you.  I need to keep my kids' safety in mind, though.  The fact is that she is not licensed to do what she is doing, and does not have the adequate facilities for what she's doing.  I'm also concerned that the goddamn animals are getting better treatment than her own children.  I witnessed the attitude difference firsthand.  Regardless of how much some people may love pets, to scold your own daughter angrily in favor of a fucking dog is just plain sick.

[Ghandi]

Well, I was just going off of what I had. Clearly I didn't know the whole story.

In any case, her safety should certainly come first.

[Raisa]

Wow, you have a 7 year old?  For some reason I thought the youngest was about 9.

I bet the kids were really happy to see their daddy and spend time with him

I remember at that age, I wanted my mom a lot but time with my dad was always fun.  Then i hit a stage where I wanted my dad around even if I didnt' talk to him much..  Then another stage where it was more mom...  but I can imagine your older daughter must be nearing the stage where dad's wanted around more.. 

RE: dogs... After all the stories about dogs attacking kids...... i hope nothing happens to your kids.  I love dogs but if it's a breed that's temperamental and unpredictable - forget it.

[Cobra951]

The worst wasn't the big guy, which is a puppy (going to be a huge dog).  The real trouble maker was a beagle mix, and the ex knew they're temperamental and unpredictable.  Yet the response is to yell at my daughter about how she should behave, instead of keeping the animal where it can do no harm.  I set up a corral for it, and hard as I've tried, I can't understand why once the thing proved itself to be a nuisance, it wasn't kept in there for everything other than jaunts outdoors.  No, lets put children in harm's way so the little darling canine can roam the house freely.  The term "irreconcilable differences" sounds so distant and abstract, until the dirty details hit you in the face.

My 7-year-old was a huge surprise.  Things weren't good in the marriage by then, and my wife had several miscarriages previously.  We were both in our 40s too.  I know exactly when she was conceived.  I don't know how that night happened.  The pregnancy was perfect.  If there's one thing that may ever make me believe in a higher power, this is it.  Against all odds, this kid was destined to arrive.  She's always happy to see me, and vice-versa.

My older girl is a teen, and of course, parents are presumed to be mud at that age.  But I can tell she does want me around.  When I can get her attention, we have some interesting conversations.  She's very bright, but so distracted.  I worry about her.  She's a senior now, and off to college next year.  Yikes.  The best time I had with her last year was during that trip to Puerto Rico.  She met up with 3 of her cousins, all of whom reside in the States.  They range in ages from 17 to 12, and they're all lovely girls.  They took the island by storm, sort of.  I personally witnessed a basketball game break up when they walked by together in swimwear.  Haha.  So she was in very high spirits, and so dejected when it came time to leave.  We talked a long time at the airport, and she told me she really wanted me to come to NY at Christmas time.  I assured her that I would.  Nothing could have kept me away, even before that.

[Raisa]

The worst wasn't the big guy, which is a puppy (going to be a huge dog).  The real trouble maker was a beagle mix, and the ex knew they're temperamental and unpredictable.  Yet the response is to yell at my daughter about how she should behave, instead of keeping the animal where it can do no harm.  I set up a corral for it, and hard as I've tried, I can't understand why once the thing proved itself to be a nuisance, it wasn't kept in there for everything other than jaunts outdoors.  No, lets put children in harm's way so the little darling canine can roam the house freely.  The term "irreconcilable differences" sounds so distant and abstract, until the dirty details hit you in the face.

That's crazy.  It sounds like earning money is more important.  Until something bad does happen.

My 7-year-old was a huge surprise.  Things weren't good in the marriage by then, and my wife had several miscarriages previously.  We were both in our 40s too.  I know exactly when she was conceived.  I don't know how that night happened.  The pregnancy was perfect.  If there's one thing that may ever make me believe in a higher power, this is it.  Against all odds, this kid was destined to arrive.  She's always happy to see me, and vice-versa.

I figure she's a fighter then? Not all out but more stout hearted, silent?

My older girl is a teen, and of course, parents are presumed to be mud at that age.  But I can tell she does want me around.  When I can get her attention, we have some interesting conversations.  She's very bright, but so distracted.  I worry about her.  She's a senior now, and off to college next year.  Yikes.  The best time I had with her last year was during that trip to Puerto Rico.  She met up with 3 of her cousins, all of whom reside in the States.  They range in ages from 17 to 12, and they're all lovely girls.  They took the island by storm, sort of.  I personally witnessed a basketball game break up when they walked by together in swimwear.  Haha.  So she was in very high spirits, and so dejected when it came time to leave.  We talked a long time at the airport, and she told me she really wanted me to come to NY at Christmas time.  I assured her that I would.  Nothing could have kept me away, even before that.

Omg... your story right there touches very closely to why i said in the past that if I ever had a kid, i hope it would be a boy.  I remember a conversation I had with my dad during my teen years - during the time i was most difficult.  I still think of that conversation from time to time and I learn more from it each time. 
does it freak you out having to have a teen and then another one hitting her teens a few years from now?

[Cobra951]

I figure she's a fighter then? Not all out but more stout hearted, silent?
. . .
Omg... your story right there touches very closely to why i said in the past that if I ever had a kid, i hope it would be a boy.  I remember a conversation I had with my dad during my teen years - during the time i was most difficult.  I still think of that conversation from time to time and I learn more from it each time. 
does it freak you out having to have a teen and then another one hitting her teens a few years from now?

Silent?  Fighter?  Who?  These questions have me a bit confused.

It freaks me out that the teen isn't the little girl who was the center of my life anymore.  It freaks me out that she's going to be out on her own so soon.  I worry she's not ready. I'm not worried about the younger one just yet.  She's a happy camper.  If only she could stay that way.  Happy and worry-free, I mean.  We all have to grow up.  It's a shame that also means so much bitter disillusion.

[Raisa]

haha.. sorry, just the way you described the younger one makes me think she's not a wispy thing that can be pushed around.. you know how some kids are stout hearted and quite confident but it doesn't really show unless they're pushed to do so.

ahaha i remember going through finding out the reality of the world.. and vowed if i could make it easier for others i would.. but i guess you dont' really grow up unless you go through the disillusionment and find out that the world's not always fun.  It's meeting bitter disillusionment and staying sane, taking it in stride that's a challenge.. some just go wild.

[Cobra951]

Ah, so you were talking about my daughter, not my ex.  I wasn't sure.  She's definitely not silent.    She's very stubborn, and no, she's not some wispy thing you can push around.  But she is a little girl, and her feelings can be hurt.