I'm seriously considering never speaking of this again. It's not that bad, I just kind of worked myself into a corner.
There are some girls on this that I have been talking to over a period of time. Girls like me. Some want to date me, some want to sleep with me. I set out doing this making sure I didn't have any intention of sleeping with any of these girls. I haven't done so, but that changed to I wouldn't sleep with any of these girls unless they were from out of town. That said, here's the short story of the breakdown.
I generally log onto this when I get home from work, leave the window open while I do whatever, and check it periodically. I don't know how many messages are average a day but I'm probably in contact with roughly 5-6 girls on this a day. A few I've talked to before, a few new. People tend to phase out. Anyways, One of these girls messaged me right at the start: She wants to have sex. She sends me a picture, and she's fairly good looking. It's pretty easy to avoid having sex with someone, you just crack a joke and slowly segue into the next subject. Last night she asks for my msn, sends me a picture of her tits and asks when I'm coming over. I can't. Basically a lie, but for whatever reason, I don't want to do it. I know if I nail one girl on this, it's over. I'll have no problem nailing the others. Fair enough. She plays it off cool. Whatever. Just a bit weird because she was totally cool with me not trying to have sex with her and I think she actually liked that. I don't know what made that change.
When I first changed my profile a few weeks ago to 'hang out' I almost instantly got this message from this chick who asked 'what I was looking for'. She'd seen it before and was curious about the switch. I sent some answer that wasn't too complicated, but danced around the question. She didn't get it. Should have been the first warning. I dumb it down and send it back, she gets it. I don't know why I did this in retrospect. I should have just stopped there. She asks questions and I *sort* of answer them. She wants my msn. I can't really explain it, but this bitch is fucking crazy. Accusing, low self-esteem, just generally weird. I know this girl. Not this specific girl, but the type, and for some reason dealing with them at all almost makes me feel a bit sick. That's extremely mean, but it's hard to explain how crazy needy these types of girls are. This chick is whacked. So, she's talking to me on msn and it's boring as fuck, but I go along for a while. I don't ask for a picture (this is the only girl to contact me without either sending one in the opening message or just having one), and she doesn't give me a full one. What she does do is inexplictly send me one of her lips, her chest chothed, and her bra. Great. I don't want this. I should point out that I do mention to all these girls that I'm pretty much screwing around and not looking for anything. Not a girlfriend, not sex, I'm just bored and like talking to people I don't really know.
This chick is pushy as to why I don't want to meet her. Like weird pushy. Then she's all feeling sorry for herself and all this. Whatever, I nicely end the conversation after one of these things, log out and block the fuck out of her. She sends the same message every night "Go to bed". Whhhhhhat the fuuuuck? I probably should have just done the cut off, but I foolishly thought I could do a slow phase out. Anyways, I unblock her last night, as per the slow phaseout plan. First message. "What are you doing?" "Why don't you come over here and fuck me". I can't remember how I declined but I got a "What the fuck is wrong with you? You too good to fuck me?" Oh shit, the 'library is closing and I have to go'. Blocked. Last night; "Go to bed. You'll need your sleep". After work "Have you decided to be a man yet?". Apart from the fact that this chick is fucking crazy, she was also very adament that she would not sleep with me at the start thinking I had some secret plan. Bitch you contacted me. Why the 180? No idea. Blocked, avoid forever.
So this other girl is much the same. She messaged me right at the start, but was totally looking for a boyfriend. I basically filled her in. Whatever, she gave me her number and wanted to meet sometime. Good looking. I never called because I'm not going to. She was pretty cool about the whole thing. So, I'd occasionally talk to her on msn, and she was normal enough. I haven't talked to her in a while, and she messages me today with the awesome opening like of "I really want you. I really want to fuck you". I should point out that where that says 'fuck' it goes through her msn as a devil totally giving it to an angel. I don't know why.
So, anyways, this chick isn't too low class, stupid, crazy, or ....well, I don't actually think there's anything wrong with her. I don't want to be a dick, but I try to find a way out of this. The whole "joke, misdirect, move on" isn't working. At all. She's too blunt. Now, if you've ever told a girl straight up that you're not going to have sex with her, you know you need a good motherfucking reason. I don't have one, and can't make one up at that point. I try to turn it around. "I'd totally be down, but you're not like that." She says good girls can essentially be sluts every once in a while as well. I express my concern she might be 'unkowingly' hoping it wil turn into something more. No go. I ask if she thinks she'll be cool about it after of if she'll be unhappy she did it. Who am I to tell her how she'll think.
I'm grasping at staws here. She just graduated university and just moved back into her parents place untill she finds a real person job. I use that excuse. We don't have a place to do it. She has lots of nice parks by her house, and there's also the automobile option. I think she's great and deserves something a bit better then a park and a sex blanket. That's not what she thinks.
Do you see what I did here? I fucking worked myself into a corner. Back when I apealed to her sense of higher morality, because she's not like that. I said I was down. I also said I was down when we just didn't have a place to do it. HAd I manned up and been like "I just don't feel comfortable pre-arranging sex in a public place with someone I've never met" I think I'd be fine. No feelings hurt, no dilemma. But I came off hot from two 'close calls' (is it a full moon?) and was probably cocky.
It ended with me trying to squirm out, and not being able to. Eventually I bought more time. She had to go out to a bar. What bar? The Bourbon. Fuck! I'm susposed to meet someone there later. That aside, where it's left at is I should text her for sex, or we can do this another night. I only have two options here: Full out avoidance or nail her. So, what it comes down to is will power versus drunk sex drive. I know what usually wins.
But, the real dilemma. If I nail this girl, there's no way I'm not going to nail the others. And I know how that will end: massive panic attack, possible breakdown.
NEVER TELL CRAZY SHE CAN HAVE A BABY.
