Ahahaha. What the fuck?! You're blackmailing that motherfucker right?
This reminds me of a horrible confession I've been meaning to make. Okay, two.
The first being on New Years eve. I was at the bar, trying to figure out how to get home. Getting a cab on new years is a total bitch and it was snowy and cold out so I didn't want to spend an hour and a half out there. Most of the usual suspects of people who's couch I could crash on that live nearby to where I was were either gone or missing, and I was kind of in a bind. I was pretty drunk so I don't fully know how I got out of this but I ended up going home with this chick with the most horrendous french accent ever. And when I say "going home" I mean I went back to where she was sleeping which just happened to be one of my best friend's girlfriend's house....where my friend lives. His girlfriend certainly was unimpressed, mainly because I've hooked up with at least two of her good friends before and I don't think she believes my intentions are ever admirable. In my defense, I had no intention of hooking up with this girl...because she's hideous. So anyways, I hop on the couch and this chick sets up an inflatable bed and the last thing I remember thinking is 'that bed and blanket look way more comfortable than this couch'. Next thing I remember is it's 4 hours later and I wake up in this bed spooning and being groped. On one hand I kind of felt sick, but on the other I was kind of like "well, pride's already gone ... I might as well get something out of it...like a funny story" and I basically tried to start getting it on with this chick. Not in a usual way you try to make out with a girl you either respect or treat like another human being...more in the way I'd imagine someone would get it on with a prostitute..I just tried to start undressing her. I don't remember much else except waking up in the morning with her gone. I have no idea what happened and probably never will because I don't want to know. I know I didn't nail her, but I really hope I didn't make out with her. Fuck you auto-pilot creep mode.
#2 took place this friday. I was getting ready to go out for a friend's birthday when this chick I went to school with a semester or so ago started messaging me on MSN saying we should hang out. I'm kind of like "totally, but not tonight" Then she starts sending me pictures of her in lingerie. I'm amazed because she's pretty hot, but these pictures are hotter...oh, and I guess she had kids at some point that I never knew about? So, I'm all like "fuck, I'd love to, but I'm kind of already committed to going out tonight and I don't even know if I should drive out there even if I wasn't." She seemed to accept this until something made her do a u-turn and she throws down "how do you feel about a threesome?". Well, that depends on many factors, but I'm not opposed to one. She tells me that she has a friend over and it totally can be done. She also sends me a picture of her not so good looking friend who she described as hot*. Now I'm fully between a rock and a hard place because this could be a good way to start off the new year and although it's not something I've ever strived to do, it feels like it's something I should do. So now I'm sold. I'm showering, I'm printing out a map to her house, I'm ready to go. I get in my car, go to the store, and am just about to get on the highway when she calls and is like "WE're going to have to do this another night". One one hand I'm all like "DAAAMN!" but on the other I feel like it might have been the best way that could work out because a.) I don't know how happy I'd be at the end of it because it could be really awkward, and b.) I went out and got hammered which was really fun.
*I'm convinced that it was the friend that tried (and succeeded in) convincing me to get over there for some hot three way action. It kind of seems to add up with the abrupt cancellation and her calling the next day and apologizing saying 'the situation changed and she didn't want to share'. It's kind of a shame because I'd totally hook up with this chick but now it's been tainted.
