Dear Journal,
As you know, my brother Joe has always been the entrepreneur in the family. These days he sells shirts with my jokes on them. But when we were kids it was all about golf balls. One summer my parents rented a house on Cape Cod. Joe decided that instead of learning how to golf, he would scour the golf course woods and ponds for used balls and then set up shop, selling them back to the same people who had lost them.
Golf Balls = even more boring than golf
We would walk together through leech-infested mud bogs and deer tick-laden forests in shorts and sneakers with a golf ball-getter. It was our Vietnam, except with golf balls: “Pull that tree apart, that tree’s got balls!” “There’s balls in them thar trees!”
I remember Joe explaining to me on the course, “Mike, sometimes snakes think golf balls are their eggs, so you gotta reach down into those snake holes and get’em!”
Another time Joe told me, “Get a good look in those bushes.” And moments later I was running across a fairway, screaming while being chased by what seemed like a swarm of yellow jackets in the shape of a giant arrow.
Sometimes when we looked in obscure places we would find huge troves of balls. Like Joe would say, “Mike, I need you to climb through that hedge on your belly and come out the other side.” And I’d emerge with 44 TOP FLITES and my mouth, underwear and eye sockets completely filled with mulch.
Then we’d set up shop. Our shop was the bench next to the 12th tee. If the ranger came by and asked us to leave, we’d just move to another bench: “Oh, we thought you wanted us to get the hell off that other bench.” Some people loved us, but some people were scared by us: “Where do those golf ball orphans come from? Watch your pockets, Ted.” Sometimes old men would be really patronizing, and say things like, “I’ll give you one dollar for all of your balls that say Titleist.” And we’d be like, “Your one dollar better have 40 friends, old man.” We didn’t actually say that, but we did think of it 22 years later.
No one gave our little golf ball store a lot of respect. We were like golf ball hookers. At one point we experimented with selling sodas too. But that was way over the line. The rangers were on our asses immediately. That’s like bringing your own popsicles to sell at Disney World.
And we were making plenty of cash just selling balls. What’d we do with the cash? Why, we went over to Dick & Ellie’s Flea Market and mini golf, where we spent our golf ball money on baseball cards that were instantly worth nothing.
At the end of the summer, the golf ball business folded. The golf course authorities asked my dad if he could have us not sell balls on the course anymore. Something about how we were stealing and trespassing.
And a few years later, Ellie sold Dick & Ellie’s to Trader Joe’s. And to make room for their new grocery store, Trader Joe’s tore the flea market down.
And while there may be a supermarket there now, I know that the original trader Joe was Trader Joe Bags.
And that concludes this week’s entry in my secret public journal.
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Dear Journal,
As you know, my brother, Joe, was an entrepreneur in the family always. A joke about them selling me a shirt today. But our children about Golf. We rented a summer house in Cape Cod with my family. Joe, in the forest, such as pools and used to sell Golf balls to set up a call that the store is not to learn to play Golf, this same person decided to be lost.
Golf ball = more boring than golf
Mud, shorts and marked deer infested hills, forest-We have golf ball with a full batak slippers. This Vietnam, golf what else is it? To remove the tree or trees? Ñ Ball! ? ? These tar balls of the trees!
I have, Joe is on the course Do you remember? Mike, sometimes, because the golf ball in the hole to reach the egg snake think snakes get? Day!
When Joe told me different? Please bitkiler get a good view. Giant yellow jackets in the form of an arrow as a child seemed And minutes later, I was busy screaming with active free, Was.
They sometimes have dark ball great troves. Joe said? Mike and I and the other part of your wife, you should increase by hedging. I? Top 44 in my mouth D FLITES, eyes filled with many coming into the socket.
And then? D was set up a shop. Our shop near the bank at the beginning of 12. When, or ask us to leave the Rangers? D, or change to another bank? Oh, hell there are other banks. Some people, like some people are afraid of us? This golf ball is really coming? Wallets arm, Ted. Sometimes the elderly too, must say you despise? I? LL state provides a dollar of all Titleist ball. And? Would you like to do? One or more dollars and 40 friends, said the old man. We? In fact, as I think, but this year 22.
Gave us a little golf ball was hit too respect everyone. Has a golf ball like whores. At one point, and did soft drink sales. But this line. Rangers is a draft him once. ? Disney World just to sell popsicles.
Moreover, there is a lot of money just by selling the ball. What? D money? Why did it go Dick
