Topic: My dad has cancer.

[K-man]

I'd have been content to go through life without ever creating this thread.  I've spoken about it quite a bit in the IRC channel, figured maybe I'd post for the rest of you.

My dad went to the ER a few weeks ago because he was impacted.  Generally not a huge deal because he's had bowel trouble for years.  The doctor ordered a CT in an attempt to figure out what was going on. What they found along with a ton of fecal matter was a tumor on his kidney that was larger than the kidney itself, along with a few grossly swollen lymph nodes. They transferred him to a larger hospital to address the colon issue as well as the newly found tumor. There were two unsuccessful kidney biopsies performed (both came back inconclusive because they hit necrotic tissue in the tumor). Last Friday he had surgery to remove 90% of his colon that had essentially become non-functional. While in surgery they took biopsies of the lymph nodes and fixed an old hernia surgery that had come undone.

Mom and dad spoke to the oncologist yesterday. He is in stage IV renal cancer. It is a cell type that is resistant to chemotherapy. The only treatment she could recommend was a clinical trial for medication that could be taken daily in pill format, or weekly in IV form. She estimated he had 27 months on the medication, 6 if left untreated. Obviously up to dad which option he wants to take.  I hope he chooses treatment. 

I'm pretty devastated. But at the very least we have some time left with him.  It's real hard to appreciate the silver lining right now, though.

[Xessive]

Sorry to hear that, man. It is tough to deal with.

[Cobra951]

Very tough.  That's one silver lining I didn't get.  When my dad died, it happened while we still hoped he would pull through.  There were no goodbyes, no time for emotional preparation.  But yes, I can see how hard it would be to appreciate such a clear warning.

I am so sorry, K-man.

[Pugnate]

I am really sorry to hear that K-Man. I wish I had something helpful to say.

[Cools!]

Hang in there bud!

[Quemaqua]

That sucks, man, I'm really sorry. When I lost my dad it was like with Cobra. Heart attack, and then he was down and out, that was it. I was lucky to have the extra years after his heart transplant, but the actual passing just happened. So take that silver lining for at least what it is.

[TheOtherBelmont]

I'm really sorry to hear that dude.  Hopefully he goes with the treatment.  Hang in there dude.

[gpw11]

I'm really sorry to hear that man. The only thing I can really say is put in that quality time and make the most out of it. As others have said, the notice is a huge silver lining (in some ways) and take advantage of that.

And I lied, the other thing I can say is that no matter how bad it gets, don't let the memories of his final weeks, months, or years outweigh the memories of the man he is. Weird thing to say?  Maybe, but I actually have trouble spending time with my dad now because it's really hard to see him, and as it gets worst I regret not spending the time when it wasn't even half as bad.   Again, make the most of it and, well, it's life again.

Let me know if you ever want to talk or anything.

[K-man]

Dad finally got to come home on Wednesday.  He's still very weak and pretty much has to be made to get up.  It's understandable due to the severity of the surgery and all, but he's not really eating.  They sent him home with an IV hookup so they can give him IV nutrition.  He ate a little bit last night, which I believe is the first solid food he's taken since he's been home.

It's amazing how a person being at home in that condition can dramatically change a household.  Suddenly the home takes on more of a functional role rather than decorative.  Stuff is moved around, taken out, etc to accommodate his current disabilities.

It's real hard seeing him in this shape.  I know he'll recover from the surgery in a few weeks, but it's just amazing (and sad) how a surgery and three weeks in a hospital bed can decimate a body.

[gpw11]

Dad finally got to come home on Wednesday.  He's still very weak and pretty much has to be made to get up.  It's understandable due to the severity of the surgery and all, but he's not really eating.  They sent him home with an IV hookup so they can give him IV nutrition.  He ate a little bit last night, which I believe is the first solid food he's taken since he's been home.

It's amazing how a person being at home in that condition can dramatically change a household.  Suddenly the home takes on more of a functional role rather than decorative.  Stuff is moved around, taken out, etc to accommodate his current disabilities.

It's real hard seeing him in this shape.  I know he'll recover from the surgery in a few weeks, but it's just amazing (and sad) how a surgery and three weeks in a hospital bed can decimate a body.

Glad to hear that he's home and here's hoping to a quick recovery from the surgery.

[K-man]

We buried dad today.  I really don't feel like typing out all the details.  I am just utterly exhausted and just don't have it in me.

[Cools!]

Sorry to hear that k-man.

[Xessive]

You have my sincere condolences, bro. May he rest in peace.

[Cobra951]

My sincere sympathies, K-man.  I've been there.  I hope you're holding up OK.  May your father rest in peace.

[gpw11]

Sorry to hear that,  my man.

[MysterD]

Sorry to hear this.
My condolences to you.

[K-man]

If I can offer one bit of advice to those that have not experienced the loss of a parent, I offer this:

Anything you wanted to tell them, no matter how insignificant or uncomfortable it may be, do it.  I am devastated by the loss of my father, but at the very least I was able to have time with him while he was lucid to say everything I ever wanted to say to him.  And I at least have that peace in the end.

[Pugnate]

I want to give you a hug. Sorry for your loss and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[K-man]

I'm in a bit of a better frame of mind, so I can manage to type out what's happened in the past week and a half:

Thursday night my dad was rushed into emergency surgery.  His abdomen was full of "free air", which docs thought was a perforation in his colon where they did surgery.  They had to open the bigass incision back up again.  The surgeon found that it was actually an ulcer that had perforated, but unfortunately found that in the past month the cancer had spread tremendously.  At that point it was determined there was nothing else he could do.  Dad spent the next few days in and out.  Had an incredibly lucid day on Sunday, which makes sense.  Generally people that are dying are good for "one last stand".

Tuesday a little after one he died with his wife, children, some grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and his best friend at his side.

[TheOtherBelmont]

My condolences, man. I'm sorry for your loss.